My Story

The truth is you don’t find help unless you are open to it. You don’t experience change unless you are willing make a change. For me, I couldn’t find the life I wanted without giving up the life I was holding on to.

I was 29 and found myself in a life that didn’t I didn’t align with. My emotions were ruling my life, I was involved in relationships that were not healthy, and I was partying and drinking heavily to self-soothe. At the time I was engaged, but my gut was telling me something was missing. Even though I knew this for a long time, I just wasn’t ready to leave this life behind. After nearly 7 years, I broke off the engagement and abruptly, at that — I blew up my life! I had to start over.

I moved out and found a place to live with the help of come close friends. Although I took the first step, I was desperate for normalcy - having a stable anything in place to make me feel secure and to, ultimately, just not feel like I made the biggest mistake of my life. But all I found to cope with was drinking to manage all the emotional turmoil I was experiencing.

No one is an island. I wanted to feel whole again. I reached out to anyone who showed me kindness, kind of how I reached for the bottle. All I knew was I was going to live however made sense to me in the moment but in reality I was 100% see-sawing from a “worry about it tomorrow” mindset to feeling emotionally starved because I wasn’t used to being alone. I held it together as best I could but I felt manic.

The truth is you don’t find help unless you are open to it. You don’t experience change unless you are willing make a change. For me, I couldn’t find the life I wanted without giving up the life I was holding on to. Even though I hit rock-bottom, I kept faith that I would be ok as long as I kept my head up and listened to my gut.

5 months later, I met someone — a catalyst — who was that specific influence I needed to help turn my life around.

So what happened after? Did my problems disappear?

Of course not. Now it was on me. I had my person for support — great! But I had a lot of work to do. I was still drinking heavily and very much lost in my thoughts and emotions. What I did know was what I didn’t like about myself and what I needed to change, and this was enough to get me started on recovery.

Over the next 3 years, I kept at it. I jumped on the self-help train and experimented with workout plans, schedules, morning routines, while still binging on the weekend (what’s the old adage? lol). I’d go through a few days of self-loathing and pity, then I’d start the cycle over again. But I just kept pushing toward the better idea of myself. Even when I let myself settle back into old habits, I never stopped starting over.

In my experience, change is a spiral — you cycle up into the new for a bit and cycle back down to the old. But every time you cycle through, your baseline moves up a level.

Then one day, it all clicked for me. I found myself wanting to workout, eat healthy, I actually enjoyed my morning routine, and, for the first time in 11 years, I was not looking to alcohol to self-soothe!

Yes, it takes commitment to something that’s not here yet and having faith that if you keep showing up, what you are aiming for will eventually show up too.

Here are the take-aways I gathered after this life-altering experience:

Firstly, it is necessary to let go of what’s not working in order to make room for something that will.

Secondly, its important to stay open to new experiences. Obviously use discernment here for every situation, but if an opportunity arises that’s befitting and you are up for it, go for it! You never know what you might discover.

Thirdly, find your NorthStar — that inspiration of who you want to be — and if you keep your focus, you shed some skin and tears for it, you will usher in the change you desire. Wherever your focus goes, energy flows, right? Getting the momentum going at first might feel like hell, like you’re banging your head against the wall, but once you get the ball rolling, things will happen!

Today I am definitely the healthiest I have ever been. That being said, I have a long way to go as far as where I want to be. But the good habits are finally in play now —they’re second nature and running the show. I don’t need push the wheel of motivation as much anymore. That path has already been paved. What’s even better is I have the inspiration and energy to focus on my creative interests (honestly, didn’t know I had any!), and provide support to you who are on a similar path.

Wherever you are on your journey, know that the universe wants to give you what you desire. Know that staying true to yourself, taking care of yourself, loving yourself, investing in yourself —physically, emotionally, and mentally — is the greatest gift you can give to yourself and everyone else.

Sending you so much love and I’ll speak to you soon!